A Couple of Weeks To Go...

Last week I visited the probation office for a mandatory office visit and to pay the rest of the probation fees I owe as well.  The secretary counting my money found the stack to be $20.00 short, which it wasn't, but after a few recounts I officially paid off all of the fees to probation!  Then the bookkeeper behind the counter said "wait, no, he owes $130.00 on top of what he just gave us".  I just stayed cool and my PO went over to discuss it with her but I was kind of annoyed since the bookkeeper was the one who gave me the amount I needed to pay to have a zero balance and now she is saying I owe more.  As I mentioned in a previous post, ones probation can be extended after the scheduled release date if you owe probation fees, restitution, fines, etc...Thankfully, my PO ironed things out and I owe the Commonwealth nothing more than two more weeks.

I then told my PO I wanted to also pay probation the $110.00 DNA collection fee.  I paid the fee while incarcerated, the fee was refunded in 2001 due to a lawsuit, but I forgot about it until earlier this year when I was informed it wasn't paid.  However, here in Massachusetts, probation doesn't handle DNA fees, the State Police does.  So I then drove to the nearest post office to mail them the money order. Only problem is the State Police typically take several weeks to process your payment and to mail you a receipt.  This receipt is proof to your probation/parole officer your DNA fee was paid.  Unfortunately/fortunately for me, I have less than "several" weeks of probation left to serve.  If I cannot get proof of payment to my PO, then they won't release me.

After calling the State Police and explaining my situation, I was informed my PO could fax a request to the State Police seeking confirmation I paid the fee about a week after I mailed in my payment.  This way, I can avoid the nail biting at the mail box each morning hoping a receipt was in the mail.

25(ish) Days Left on Probation

Just a quick post here...
So far, so good.  Thankfully, the anxiety dreams have ceased.

Last week, I went to see my counselor for the last time (last time under the mandate of probation, that is).  Besides forking over money I desperately could use to move out next month, I was happy to have seen him and fulfilled the counseling requirement of my probation contract.  From here on out, I'll be attending counseling because I choose to.  Next week I will pay off the balance of my fees at the superior courthouse.  Afterward, there is only one more visit with my probation officer!

To be released from probation here in Massachusetts (superior court), my PO informed me he has to submit a report to the judge who oversees my case about two weeks before my scheduled release date.  From what I can gather, probation will go over my file and make sure everything is in order, that I've satisfied the conditions of my probation, and paid all of my fees.  On the day of release, probation submits a form (I'll get the exact form name for a later post) which essentially says I should be released.  As of today, no court appearance or examination in front of the judge in court is necessary since the release paper is part of the paperwork for the day.

My PO said I could just call in to be certain I was done with probation next month but I will be stopping in one last time to pick up a copy of my release paper, which anyone being released from probation should obtain for their own records.

Anxiety Dreams

I have 38(ish) days left on probation.  My papers say I'm to be released July 12 but probation says it's actually the 13th.  A few weeks ago probation said their official printout indicated release was supposed to be in November-also incorrect.  You really have to stay on top of things and make sure you know what probation's paperwork is telling the officers.  Anyway, release day is coming up soon.

I've been trying to compare the last days of probation with the last days of incarceration.  Situationally, they are different,  but for me, the cognitive processes are the same.  When I was incarcerated, there was always this generic rumor and fear someone was going to fuck up the end of your bid by attacking you, getting in a fight with you, snitching on you, or somehow otherwise getting you in a situation where more time would be tacked on to your sentence by forcing you to lose good-time or picking up another bid.  Call it neurotic, but it was just part of wrapping up on the inside.  Not that I made enemies in prison, but think about it: if you pissed off someone bad enough and he knows you're being release soon, he might just want to get to you before you leave.  Never underestimate the power of grudges and of guys needing to save face in prison.

Wrapping up  probation presents a different set of neuroses.  My victim and his family are on the outside; would they want to get back at me somehow via lawsuit or worse?  Is all of my probation paperwork in order and fees paid?  Am I going to screw up on the last days of 10 years on probation? etc...  I can go on.  Other than having a surprise balance to pay probation, everything is fine.

In the past week,  my brain has decided to incorporate some worst case scenarios into my 4am REM sleep. Some reasonable dreams and some crazy-ass dreams.  My first anxiety dream revolved around a scenario where I was in a mall (danger) telling some boy I saw not to drink the water from the toxic water fountain and reflecting pool (even more dangerous to do).  I then had the sinking feeling that I had violated probation by having contact with a minor without adult supervision and that I was going back to prison.  Nice, right?

Do Not Even Think About Fucking With Me, Sex Offender!

Another dream I have been having the past few nights revolved around me having to go in front of a judge to get released from probation.  The "fun" part of this dream was the judge overseeing my case was Patty Hewes of the show "Damages" on FX -  the only legal "drama" I have watched since being released (the show is totally about the characters and less so about the cases).  If you know who and what Patty Hewes was like then you already understand my concern.  Needless to say, in the dream she was not sympathetic toward me.  Patty Hewes (played by Glenn Close) was a New York City attorney who was ruthless, relentless, homicidal about winning/losing a case, and got what she wanted most of the time.  I don't remember the dialogue of the dream other than "fuck I have Patty Hewes as my judge"!  Of course, she is the type of lawyer you absolutely want on retainer.  So thank you Glenn Close: you have totally mind-fucked me for the past few nights!  I wonder what Freud would say about all this.

Anyway, the reason why I am writing about this is to convey the fact that some of these anxieties and fears may creep up on you, haunt you, and follow you 'til the end of your incarceration or probation/parole.  I hope it's normal.

Intensive Parole For Sex Offenders

In the relatively rare event you or someone you know is granted parole from prison and is a sex offender, Massachusetts (and other states I'm sure) have a program tailored specifically for SO's.  The difference is stark when comparing and contrasting being a SO on intensive parole (especially if you are a Level 2 or Level 3) and being on superior court probation.  As difficult and demanding as some of the conditions of intensive parole look to be, and these terms become more elaborate and invasive the higher your SORB dangerousness level is, doing prison time outside of the wall is the better choice.  Some elements of parole are in probation, but when you look at the requirements for Level 2's and 3's on parole, that is where the difference really lies.

I know a RSO who successfully went through intensive parole after about 8 years being in prison so it's definitely doable

Here is Massachusetts program and terms for intensive parole for sex offenders:

Intensive Parole for Sex Offenders

Offenders classified as Level 1 by the Sex Offender Registry Board, or appealing Level 1 classification are subject to the following conditions:

You will agree to allowing shared communication among Treatment, Polygraph Examiners, Probation/Parole, District Attorney’s or Attorney General’s Office, other law enforcement officials, and the Court; and disclosure to any others as deemed appropriate. 

You will enroll and participate in a treatment program for sex offenders approved by the Parole Officer. 

You will develop and abide by a Relapse Prevention Plan, which has been reviewed and signed off by an approved sex offender therapist.  You will assume responsibility for paying counseling costs.

You will be required to take a Polygraph Examination every six (6) months or more often, if required, at the discretion of the Parole Officer.

You will not have contact of any kind with the victim(s) or the families of the crimes you have been convicted.   A family member will include spouse or person who lives with the victim in a relationship similar to marriage, child or stepchild, sibling, parent, stepparent, or guardian, aunt or uncle, and grandparent.  

You will not use the internet without permission of your supervising officer and you must submit to an examination and search of your computer to verify that it is not used in violation of your supervision and treatment plans.

You will not possess, own or use computer programs unless approved by the Parole Officer.

You will not engage in the use of personal ads or the internet to contact or meet people.

You will not view pornography of any type or enter adult entertainment establishments.

You will not possess any equipment or devices which are designed for the purpose of restraining or confining a person (e.g. Handcuffs, restraint chains, etc.)

You will not possess any camera(s) or other equipment used for the recording, playback, or storage of images or filed unless approved by the Parole Officer.

Any home plan must be approved by the Parole Officer prior to relocation.

You will not pick up hitchhikers regardless of whether you are the driver or passenger of the vehicle.

You will not frequent places where individuals under the age of 18 congregate, such as parks, playgrounds, schools and not attend movies with the without permission of your parole officer.

You will not engage in any employment or activity involving the unsupervised caretaking of any other individual.

If you are on parole for a sex offense, you will be fitted with a GPS monitoring device and conform to any requirements for the implementation of the device. You will adhere to any Exclusion Zones as determined by the Parole Board and remain out of these restricted zones at all times. (This condition is effective 12/21/2006).

Offenders classified as Level 2 by the Sex Offender Registry Board, or appealing Level 2 classification are subject to all the above conditions, including all the following additional conditions:

You will not travel out of state at any time unless approved by the Parole Board.

You will not have sexual, intimate, or living arrangements with any individuals without the individual being informed of your Parole Status, sexual deviancy, and criminal history.  You are responsible for advising individuals who meet the above criteria of your crime.  You must reveal to the Parole Officer the name of anyone you are involved with, as stated above, and the Parole Officer may confirm compliance.

You will keep a daily log of all activities; to include all personal appointments, a detailed driving log to include the starting and ending odometer readings, times, places, and persons visited.

You will not socialize or otherwise have contact with individuals under the age of 18 at work or at social situations unless accompanied by an adult who has been made aware of your sexual deviant tendencies, as approved by the Parole Officer.

You will adhere to the Parole Board’s established curfew of 10:00 PM to 6:00 AM. You are required to be home between the hours of 10:00 PM and 6:00 AM daily, unless otherwise directed by the Parole Officer.

Offenders pending classification, or classified as Level 3 or Sexually Violent Predators, or in the process of appealing Level 3 classification, are subject to all above conditions, including the following additional conditions:

You will be fitted with a GPS monitoring device and conform to any requirements for the implementation of the device. You will adhere to any Exclusion Zones as determined by the Parole Board and remain out of these restricted zones at all times.

Hiccup with 2 Months Left on Probation

First: no, I have not reoffended, violated probation, or something like that

I made an office visit to the courthouse where I was to see my new probation officer.  While there, I asked the bookkeeper to (again) review my account so I knew that I might owe in probation fees.  The bookkeeper came out and said I owed about $2,400.00!  I said that was impossible and she should recheck my account.  $2,400.00 is about 37 months worth of probation supervisory fees and if that were the case, my PO would have violated me a long time ago for violating one of the conditions of my probation (paying probation supervisory fees).

The bookkeeper came back and then said I now actually owed about $1,600.00.  I asked what made the difference but she didn't answer my question directly.

I then met with my new PO and he pulled out a sheet saying I wasn't due to be released from probation until November 2011, which I also said was impossible.  Every document I have from sentencing to my probation contract says I am to be done with probation 10 years from the day I was released from prison, which was July 2001.  He said he'd look into it.

You really have stay on top of things!

Sorry For the No-Posts: I've Actually Been Working!

I'm grateful to have been gainfully employed the past month.  It's something of an elixir and high against the relative poverty I (an many other RSO's) experience all too often.

You've "Sexually Offended", Never Been Caught, But Want To Talk About It: How To Safely Discuss It and Improve Your Life

Readers note:  This is a tricky post to write without sounding like I want to help people "get away with it".  But there are many in this situation who are unaware of their options.  Check with an attorney and your therapist and know the laws if you decide to go down this path.
Also, I put quotes around the words sexually offended in the title of the post since the definition of a sex offense can vary from state to state, country to country, as well as person to person.


The title is just an example of many people who are in a Catch-22.  Most sex offenses are never reported and a majority of sex offenders will never get their mug shot taken.  With the growing awareness of sex offender laws coupled with perhaps the self help movement and other personal decisions, there are many people who have "deviant attractions" and/or committed sex offenses nobody knows about and who want to address that part of their life in an open and honest manner.  Some are bothered by their past and/or current behaviors; others want insight; or there may be a lifestyle change such as having a family, where he is concerned about, for instance, inappropriate feelings he is having toward his children and fear he might repeat past behaviors.  Whatever the case, these people want to be proactive. They realize the more secretive they have to be about their behaviors and desires, the more of a grip these it will have on them.

Unfortunately, there is an understandable fear in discussing sexual offending, even with a licensed therapist and all of the legal and privacy protections enjoyed in the therapist/patient relationship.  Talking about sex offending is not the same as talking about drug use.  The concern lies in the fear of being reported by the therapist, being arrested, losing one's family, a job, friends, going to prison, having to register as a sex offender, etc... The risk simply isn't worth it for many and the system isn't constructed to facilitate this sort of proactivity.

However, there absolutely is  a safe way if you do want to talk about past criminal/sexual behaviors or deviant thinking without the Gestapo crashing through the door to take you away.

Here in Massachusetts, there is a mandatory reporting law (I assume it's similar with other states) for therapists if essentially they feel you are currently endangering yourself, someone else, or if you give them particular details about sexual offending you may have done.  But, if you leave out identifying information such as the name and relationship of the person you offended against then you can be free to talk without triggering the mandatory reporting responsibility of the therapist.

In my group counseling, there were many guys who had more crimes than they were convicted of and felt safe revealing those episodes in that environment since we knew the parameters to talk with.  The goal being it is better to put this stuff on the table, hash it out, understand the patterns in ones life leading to offending, thereby helping the offender to manage his behavior, which leads to a safer society.  A big part of offending is secrecy and isolation, which can magnify the power deviant thoughts and behaviors can have over oneself, among other things.   In my opinion, if you are able to circulate those things out of your system by at the very least discussing them, it diffuses a significant amount of influence it may have.  This isn't about getting a free pass for past behaviors, but rather a realization that talking about this stuff with a trained professional and maybe similar individuals is most important to ones well being, safety, and happiness.

It's best to verify with (ideally) an attorney and chosen therapist regarding privacy and when they are compelled to contact authorities.  Too many people aren't aware of this option, which at the outset sounds like suicide but in reality can help people lead healthier, happier, more honest lives.

Lots of Waiting Awaits You: After 232 Home and Courthouse Visits I Know!

Whether you're in prison or on probation, you know all about waiting.  Waiting for the years to click away; waiting for chow time; waiting for a letter; waiting for the gate to open; waiting for your Probation Officer; etc...  As a probationer, it's maddening and somewhat counterproductive for a probationer who is working or attending class.  But it is what it is.

Tomorrow, I yet again have to wait for my probation officer to make a home visit. This will be about the 116th home visit by probation.  They always say they be at the house between 7am-12pm.  This type of waiting is one of my real gripes with probation.  Imagine having to wait for the cable guy once a month!  I have alternating biweekly home and courthouse/probation office visits which doesn't sound that bad but if you do the math the hours of waiting add up.  With me, a whole morning every other week is dedicated to probation.  Whether it is waiting to see my PO come down the street or driving 45 minutes/40 miles to the Superior Courthouse, its costly in terms of lost income at the very least.  I've had to turn down work and substitute a day class with a night one due to the scheduling conflict with probation and the mandatory nature of the home visit.  And if you miss the home visit, your PO is less than pleased since he is only out in my area once every few weeks.  I'd be violating the "maximum supervision" condition of my probation contract.


If I worked at any "real" job, I'd be gone unless I could come up with some life or death excuse such as "I'm receiving life saving transfusions at a hospital every other week" or "I have to bring a family member to the hospital for chemotherapy".  Sounds extreme but you might find it necessary to, yes, lie.  For those of you who are able to work with an understanding boss to get the time off to see you PO, that's awesome, though at the same time people who can't mind their own business will ask around and wonder why you aren't at work and who you are talking to in the parking lot one Friday a month.  Make sure you have a believable cover story!  Your job may depend on it.

Tsunami, Earthquake, and My Previous Attempt At Visiting Japanese Family & Friends

Like many others, I have family and friends in Japan who have been experiencing the unrelenting horror that has been playing out since Friday.  I was relieved to hear from those I know saying they were okay but know aftershocks continue and winds today could take any significant nuclear material from reactors in the affected region south toward Tokyo and Osaka.  It's not over.

A few years back, I received permission from my chief probation officer and a judge to visit Japan for work and family reasons.  But it wasn't going to be that simple.  I had a ticket in hand and boarded the long flight to Tokyo.  This was my first international flight and when the customs card was passed out, I filled it out truthfully and completely.   That means checking the box that said I was a convicted felon.  Now, in the etherial world of honesty, this was an awesome choice.  But in reality, when I passed the card to the customs officer after disembarking, she asked me if I had really checked the correct box.   I, of course, said yes, and she called over a supervisor.  Long story short, I was denied entry to Japan and was put on the first flight out, which happened to be to Hawaii.  Not a bad thing, I suppose, because after almost a full day of flying I spend a day in Honolulu, rented a car, and went swimming during my layover.  Overall, I was disappointed and devastated.  Stupid me...

I should have done some research on customs but maybe I didn't want to know the truth-that Japan really doesn't let anyone in with a declared criminal record.  The exact regulations aren't clear. One website says if you spent more than a year in jail/prison you aren't allowed entry.  Whether or not they know beforehand of any criminal record-I don't know.  I'm not suggesting to lie if you are a convicted felon but I wonder how things would have gone if I hadn't been so honest!  Naive...

Within the next few years, I do plan on petitioning the consulate here in Boston to try and get an official to allow me to gain entry to Japan, which I am sure involves connections and a fair amount of money.  I've never seen my family in Japan but recent events make this wish more imperative than ever before.  At the same time, I also have had a recent offer to travel to Thailand, too.  Yeah, I know, totally looks bad as a RSO but there is nothing nefarious about the trip at all.  I love to travel and that is a dream vacation no matter who you are!  A friend of mine has a "connected" family in Bangkok who will host me and show me around.  I should try and go before laws get passed stripping RSO's of passports.

Hysteria

In response to this blog article:
http://www.newdirectionsacs.com/sex-offender-specific-treatment-provider/bid/27867/Sex-Offender-Hysteria

It seems every generation the public needs some group to hate in the name of protection.  Thanks to the internet, when it comes to sex offenders you can spread false information and scare others like never before.   The relative anonymity of the internet means one is not accountable for his comments, misinformation, and disinformation.  In a way, some of these folks are "cell warriors" in public; behind the safety of a computer they'll say anything but when they walk out their door they don't speak with as much bluster or righteousness.

Many comments in the media or news article comment sections aren't grounded in any sort of science.  Many times, these same people say sex offenders can never be cured.  I don't even think that's the appropriate question, whether or not we sex offenders can be "cured".  You don't cure sexuality or sexual behavior in any of its forms, you manage these behaviors.  There are sex offenders who reoffend with a sex offense, yes, but its not to the epidemic proportions many are lead to believe.  If that were the case, and with all of the many facets of protection parents and the public use to protect children, wouldn't we by now know about unseen daily rampage of child molestations by sex offenders?

To be blunt, many in the public don't know what they are talking about when it comes to sex offenders.  They've never looked at an actuarial table, talked with a seasoned chief probation officer, or followed a sex offender for years after he has been adjudicated.  But it's difficult and uncomfortable to have one's worldview questioned since it has been a cozy companion for years.   Any sentiment falling short of "kill all child molesters" "and throw them in prison for life" could mean you are a sympathizer or a soft-on-crime liberal, right?

It will take time, but the hysteria has reached it's apogee, and a more realistic and effective conversation  is taking place everywhere.  It may take a few decades or so, but American's obsession and hysteria toward sex offenders will subside to a more rational state.