Though this blog is was originally intended as a resource for offenders in Massachusetts, much of what I write about is applicable to sex offenders in every other state and many countries around the world, especially in Western Europe. Even other non-sex offenders trying to navigate prison, probation and parole, or employment and education opportunities can glean relevant information from this blog and apply it to help overcome their own struggles.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

A Couple of Weeks To Go...

Last week I visited the probation office for a mandatory office visit and to pay the rest of the probation fees I owe as well.  The secretary counting my money found the stack to be $20.00 short, which it wasn't, but after a few recounts I officially paid off all of the fees to probation!  Then the bookkeeper behind the counter said "wait, no, he owes $130.00 on top of what he just gave us".  I just stayed cool and my PO went over to discuss it with her but I was kind of annoyed since the bookkeeper was the one who gave me the amount I needed to pay to have a zero balance and now she is saying I owe more.  As I mentioned in a previous post, ones probation can be extended after the scheduled release date if you owe probation fees, restitution, fines, etc...Thankfully, my PO ironed things out and I owe the Commonwealth nothing more than two more weeks.

I then told my PO I wanted to also pay probation the $110.00 DNA collection fee.  I paid the fee while incarcerated, the fee was refunded in 2001 due to a lawsuit, but I forgot about it until earlier this year when I was informed it wasn't paid.  However, here in Massachusetts, probation doesn't handle DNA fees, the State Police does.  So I then drove to the nearest post office to mail them the money order. Only problem is the State Police typically take several weeks to process your payment and to mail you a receipt.  This receipt is proof to your probation/parole officer your DNA fee was paid.  Unfortunately/fortunately for me, I have less than "several" weeks of probation left to serve.  If I cannot get proof of payment to my PO, then they won't release me.

After calling the State Police and explaining my situation, I was informed my PO could fax a request to the State Police seeking confirmation I paid the fee about a week after I mailed in my payment.  This way, I can avoid the nail biting at the mail box each morning hoping a receipt was in the mail.

Friday, June 17, 2011

25(ish) Days Left on Probation

Just a quick post here...
So far, so good.  Thankfully, the anxiety dreams have ceased.

Last week, I went to see my counselor for the last time (last time under the mandate of probation, that is).  Besides forking over money I desperately could use to move out next month, I was happy to have seen him and fulfilled the counseling requirement of my probation contract.  From here on out, I'll be attending counseling because I choose to.  Next week I will pay off the balance of my fees at the superior courthouse.  Afterward, there is only one more visit with my probation officer!

To be released from probation here in Massachusetts (superior court), my PO informed me he has to submit a report to the judge who oversees my case about two weeks before my scheduled release date.  From what I can gather, probation will go over my file and make sure everything is in order, that I've satisfied the conditions of my probation, and paid all of my fees.  On the day of release, probation submits a form (I'll get the exact form name for a later post) which essentially says I should be released.  As of today, no court appearance or examination in front of the judge in court is necessary since the release paper is part of the paperwork for the day.

My PO said I could just call in to be certain I was done with probation next month but I will be stopping in one last time to pick up a copy of my release paper, which anyone being released from probation should obtain for their own records.

Friday, June 3, 2011

Anxiety Dreams

I have 38(ish) days left on probation.  My papers say I'm to be released July 12 but probation says it's actually the 13th.  A few weeks ago probation said their official printout indicated release was supposed to be in November-also incorrect.  You really have to stay on top of things and make sure you know what probation's paperwork is telling the officers.  Anyway, release day is coming up soon.

I've been trying to compare the last days of probation with the last days of incarceration.  Situationally, they are different,  but for me, the cognitive processes are the same.  When I was incarcerated, there was always this generic rumor and fear someone was going to fuck up the end of your bid by attacking you, getting in a fight with you, snitching on you, or somehow otherwise getting you in a situation where more time would be tacked on to your sentence by forcing you to lose good-time or picking up another bid.  Call it neurotic, but it was just part of wrapping up on the inside.  Not that I made enemies in prison, but think about it: if you pissed off someone bad enough and he knows you're being release soon, he might just want to get to you before you leave.  Never underestimate the power of grudges and of guys needing to save face in prison.

Wrapping up  probation presents a different set of neuroses.  My victim and his family are on the outside; would they want to get back at me somehow via lawsuit or worse?  Is all of my probation paperwork in order and fees paid?  Am I going to screw up on the last days of 10 years on probation? etc...  I can go on.  Other than having a surprise balance to pay probation, everything is fine.

In the past week,  my brain has decided to incorporate some worst case scenarios into my 4am REM sleep. Some reasonable dreams and some crazy-ass dreams.  My first anxiety dream revolved around a scenario where I was in a mall (danger) telling some boy I saw not to drink the water from the toxic water fountain and reflecting pool (even more dangerous to do).  I then had the sinking feeling that I had violated probation by having contact with a minor without adult supervision and that I was going back to prison.  Nice, right?
Do Not Even Think About Fucking With Me, Sex Offender!

Another dream I have been having the past few nights revolved around me having to go in front of a judge to get released from probation.  The "fun" part of this dream was the judge overseeing my case was Patty Hewes of the show "Damages" on FX -  the only legal "drama" I have watched since being released (the show is totally about the characters and less so about the cases).  If you know who and what Patty Hewes was like then you already understand my concern.  Needless to say, in the dream she was not sympathetic toward me.  Patty Hewes (played by Glenn Close) was a New York City attorney who was ruthless, relentless, homicidal about winning/losing a case, and got what she wanted most of the time.  I don't remember the dialogue of the dream other than "fuck I have Patty Hewes as my judge"!  Of course, she is the type of lawyer you absolutely want on retainer.  So thank you Glenn Close: you have totally mind-fucked me for the past few nights!  I wonder what Freud would say about all this.

Anyway, the reason why I am writing about this is to convey the fact that some of these anxieties and fears may creep up on you, haunt you, and follow you 'til the end of your incarceration or probation/parole.  I hope it's normal.