The College Sex Offender

A few months after I was release from prison in 2001, I enrolled in a state college here in MA, studying for a bachelor degree in psychology.  I was young enough (just about to turn 25) and motived to attend school full time, but thrusting myself into the realm of 18-21 year olds took a little getting used to.  Thanks to my family, I was able to commute to school and live at home.  I can't imagine I would have been able to afford attending school any other way, especially a few months out of prison and on probation.

With my bachelor degree, I planned on attending graduate school where I could then be trained and certified as a clinical or counseling psychologist.  Yeah, I know the usual critique of psychologists, they are in the profession because they are screwed up themselves.  It's probably true but to some extent, who isn't?!  Anyway, as good as my intentions were there was no way I could ever do the internships and receive state certification.  So now, on to Plan B: becoming certified as a "life coach".  It is an expensive credential, important to have when trying to find clients, and the strengths-based approach with a foundation in positive psychology is more attractive to me.  I don't regret my 4 year degree and subsequent debt at all.  I learned how to learn, made some good friends, and proved to myself I could actually accomplish something besides surviving prison.  I had zero skills to bring to an employer, so school was really the only viable option.  But I should have thought things through before choosing my major!

Let's talk about things you need to consider if you are thinking of attending any institution of higher ed.

• Pick a viable major (see previous paragraph)
• Try and figure out if it's worth it from the stand point of taking on debt and your current financial situation.  Holding a job while attending classes is best.  If you are able to secure grants and loans, even better.  Sometimes a job is more valuable than a diploma, especially if you are a convicted sex offender.
• Be a commuter or live off campus.  Do not live on campus in a dorm, even if somehow you can.  With mandatory reporting of sex offenders on college campuses, very soon you will be popular for all the wrong reasons.  Skip the drama.
• Tell a trusted advisor or professor about your situation:  You want a respected member of the campus community to be aware of your situation by way of your telling him/her and not them finding out from the campus police.  My advisor ended up being a staunch ally of mine and always offered to help if I had problems with anything relating to being a sex offender on campus.  Also, when the rumors about you start to fly, he can shut a lot of conversation and people down by saying "yeah he told me about that".  Simple but effective.
• You might not be popular and well liked.  Deal with it.  But do your job as a student and member of the community, be yourself, be friendly, make friends, and even if others don't like you, they have to respect you, which can pay dividends.
• Avoid the dorm parties starring booze and drugs. The parties are a volatile mixture of hormones and emotions and things can and do happen.  You don't want to be anywhere near it when it does.
• If you run into trouble on campus such as being harassed, document it in any way you can, even going to the campus police and filing a report.  And don't wait until it's convenient.  My story of dueling police reports with my victim, then an adult in 2004, is fair warning.
• Don't be creepy.
• Be normal and do what you want to do.  Go work out in the gym, join clubs, play intramural sports, tutor other students, etc... You're paying good money for school so use it like any other student.
• Be fearless without being offensive.
• If there is a report of a sex offense on campus by an unknown assailant, you may want to get in front of it.  Consult your lawyer and/or probation officer, let them know what happened on campus.  My PO suggested I, along with my attorney, stop in the local police department and introduce myself to the detective and answer any questions he had.  It sounds ridiculous, I know, but sometimes being out in front of this stuff is effective.
• Make the Dean's List
• If you are on probation/parole, inform them of your schedule for the semester and see if you can make alternate arrangements if, say, you have a class scheduled the same time you are supposed to meet your PO for a home visit or court house check-in.  You could also file a motion with the court to try and get some of your requirements/restrictions modified with a judges order to accommodate schooling.  It's tough for them to be hardasses with someone trying to turn their life around by going to school.

Sanctioned Hateful Rhetoric

 I posted this in response the usual ignorant/hateful comments you see in the discussion section of any online article related to sex offenders. http://hereandnow.wbur.org/2011/03/08/minnesota-sex-offender
There really isn't enough to write when it comes to people calling for my castration (so 20th century, come on) and/or murder.  

As someone who sexually offended against a child when I was 20, spent 4 years in state prison, and am finishing up a 10 year probation sentence, I'm pretty well informed with how being a sex offender can affect ones life as well as the lives of those who care about him. It's interesting to see how a story on a sex offender acts as Rorschach Test of sorts. The blustery posts in any comment section of a sex offender related article calling for castration or murder do nothing to advance the issue to any semblance of educated understanding. I find people calling for the murder, any murder, but in this case murder of those convicted of a sex offense, appalling and the fact that rhetoric is tolerated only points to a level of sanctioned hate facilitated against sex offenders. I accept the sentiments of punishment and vengeance - normal human emotions - but a red line should be drawn as to the extent of either.

I am 34 now, went to a state college here in MA right when I got out of prison, got a BA in psychology, have had and continue to cultivate wonderful relationships with people who know my background and support me. I am writing about my experiences in my blog to help others convicted sex offenders and their families navigate the onerous world of living as sex offender in the United States.

The vast majority of us don't reoffend and look to redefine our lives in more healthy and productive ways. 

-Richard

Some Thoughts On Sex Offender Counseling/Treatment Group

Now you have settled into a counseling regime, typically a weekly session, here are some additional thoughts on participating in sex offender counseling to keep in mind over the upcoming months and years:

Announce your intention to complete all phases of treatment as efficiently as possible:
You don't want to be mired in a black hole of counseling year after year, no matter how much time you have on probation. Your ultimate goal in counseling, besides not reoffending of course, should be to graduate to a maintenance program. Ask the counselor how long one should expect to spend in the first phases of treatment before being eligible for a maintenance program.

Relationship and socializing with other group members:
The group I attended allowed members to socialize outside of the counseling session, while others groups are more strict in their policy and prohibit such contact. It's completely normal for guys to form strong bonds in treatment groups and want to socialize and help each other outside the group setting. I gave my phone number to other group members for support in the event they were not well, engaging in problematic activities, or needed a ride to group. One good example of how this can work was an instance I was asked by a fellow group members if I would help him disable his computer since he was cracking out looking at adult porn, knowing it would lead him to seeking out illicit websites and chat (this guy was in maintenance and was not in violation of any condition or restriction). That's not necessarily something you ask your neighbor to do or want to explain why! Whether you engage other offenders outside the group or not, it is something of a personal choice. You have to be certain can remain objective and still, for instance, call this person out in group the same way you would had you not been hanging outside the group.

Ex-cons versus those who didn't do time: 
There is an inexorable bond and with guys who've done time behind bars that can sometimes border on resentment toward others in the group who weren't sentenced to incarceration but just probation or those who are convicted but don't have to register as a sex offender.  Predictably, a offender who had money to spend on a good lawyer to get a more desirable outcome with sentencing or had connections to achieve the same aren't celebrated in group.  

In fact, there's a convoluted mixture of feelings to deal with. Ex-cons (me included) recognize within each other the pain and suffering we had to go through inside prison. Now being out, we may overtly reminisce and half-heartedly joke about the trauma and madness of prison. Think of it - and I am not equating here - like veteran soldiers looking back at their recent war experience. Even if one soldier wasn't laying next to another in a ditch fighting for their lives, they would have an implicit understanding and camaraderie that civilians could never have. Same goes with ex-cons: You don't understand. You had it easy. It was 'Nam, you weren't there, man! You get the idea.  You'll have to excuse the ex-cons in the group if we go off on a tangent involving prison, get pissed and resentful, and leave others out of the conversation.  We've been to our own hell and back and survived to varying degrees. It's not a feeling of "we are better than you", more a mixture of feelings of unfairness, pride, and camaraderie that is undeniable. If you were never incarcerated, don't take this personally in any way. Besides, having avoided prison is something to be very grateful for! Trust me, being an ex-con is not a club you would have wanted to be a part of and all of us ex-cons would much rather have stayed on the outside.

However, even among ex-cons in group therapy, there's something of a hierarchy of who did how much time, at what facilities, federal/state/county bid, etc...typically with the most "respect" going to the guy who had the hardest/most time. Kind of crazy, but prison does follow you to the outside to some extent.

Child/Adult Offenders:
Speaking of hierarchy, there may also be an unspoken hierarchical structure to the group you join that will never be spoken about very much. This is not really obvious and is more of a perception carried by and colored with society's norms and values. A good counselor will make sure everyone in the group, regardless of their crime and/or age of victim(s), is equal to one another and no one tries to show moral authority over another.

It is human nature to make yourself as least heinous as possible, especially among other offenders. In prison, the guys who were in on statutory rape got a different reception than those in on child rape (what, was your victim twelveteen?!). This can extend into the treatment group. Nobody wants to feel like "the worst of the worst". It's a coping mechanism many offenders adopt to varying degrees: at least my victim was and adult; at least my victim was in his mid-teens, reached puberty, and was willing and I didn't force him; at least my victim was someone I knew and cared about and not a snatch-and-grab; at least I didn't penetrate him like he did; at least she wasn't my own daughter; at least he wasn't a toddler; at least I only looked at kiddie porn and didn't ever touch a child etc...

Truthfully, we all engage in this minimizing and coping at some level. Your ego really doesn't want to be the biggest pervert in the room. It's a protective mechanism that has its function. Just keep in mind this ranking of other group members may rear its head in some comments in various ways because, and let's be frank, American society views sex with a 15 year-old girl much differently than sex with an 11 year-old boy. Sex with a 15 year-old female is more "acceptable" than with a 11 year old male and just because someone is a sex offender doesn't mean he is not homophobic.

So no matter your conviction, don't feel like you can walk in and feel like the top dog or the biggest freak in the room. 

YMCAs begin to screen for sex offenders

This is an issue that came up in the beginning of January I wanted to comment on.
Here's the article:  YMCAs begin to screen for sex offenders
I am not a YMCA member, but this banning business is frustrating and crazy, in my opinion.

So the YMCA implemented this policy after a girls basketball coach, who was not a convicted sex offender when he was hired or when coaching, plead guilty to various sex offenses with young girls. I suppose the Y feels they have to do something showing they are "protecting" members, especially since it's less of a traditional gym and more of a mixed adult/kids place, but chalk this up as another reactive policy to sex offenders.

The Y is instituting a policy that doesn't directly address how they could have let a coach with a clean record come in and coach young girls he ended up offending against.  If the Y needs to find sex offenders among their members and staff, the only way to be sure is to have staff (this offender could be considered staff) and members undergo a thorough evaluation including personality testing, penile plethysmography, the female equivalent to a penile plethysmograph, and attentional evaluation to deviant stimuli.  Just ranting but what the hell...

Why would you want to cultivate a positive relationship with your probation officer?

Readers note:  I am writing this from the perspective of being on probation, not parole which is a more supervised form of release than probation.  I've given pseudonyms to those being discussed.  


If you've done time in county jail, state prison, or federal penitentiary then you know the general attitude adopted by prisoners toward guards (CO's) and administration.  Every prisoners' experience is different but is influenced by numerous factors: who you are, why you are incarcerated, where you served time, the institutions policies, and guards you're exposed to, etc... You quickly realize the difficult and uneasy dynamic between prisoner and guard.    When you have a system where other people regulate every aspect of your life, tension, resentment, and violence are easily directed toward guards and other inmates- who also tend to be convenient vessels at which prisoners can displace pent up and unrealized emotions.  CO's are like any other group: you'll find a wide range of people within the group who all approach their job (and you) with personal experiences and individual differences which affect how they interact with prisoners.  In the end though, the inequitable relationship is adversarial and the power structure is perpetuated by a system that incentivize compliance and punishes those who choose otherwise.  There are days when you would love to punch a hated CO in the mouth as I am sure there are days when a CO would love to swing a baton at a hated inmates head.  Somehow, for the most part, guys do their time without attacking every CO that pisses them off.

Every week or so there was some guy coming back in on a probation/parole violation - guys who vowed never to return to prison and whom I though would successfully be on supervised release.  These guys had less than positive things to say about being on probation and their PO:  "Your probation officer is just like a cop or a prison guard: he's not one your side and is part of a system that sets you up to fail so you end up back in prison," was the sentiment I heard many times of those stumbling back through the proverbial revolving door.  Guards don't like inmates.  Inmates don't like guards.  Probation officers aren't too different from guards. This made perfect sense.  Though I was excited and disciplined coming up on my release date, there was a little corner of my mind that said ”these guys came back on  a probation violation after a few months. How am I going to make it 10 years on probation”?  

Being out of prison and on probation can be an easy transition in many ways (it's nice not being incarcerated, right?), but there are some attitudes and resentments that one cannot leave behind since they served you well in prison.  These feelings, including hatreds, aren't easily switched off once you get to the other side of the wall.  With your new PO in charge of many aspects of your life and behavior, he naturally becomes a person to loathe and resent - the most obvious thing standing in the way of having the freedom and liberty to live your life the way you want.


Probation and parole are in many ways the same: you're doing your sentence outside and you need to follow many conditions, all of which have an effect on every domain of your life to some degree. Parole is more stringent, especially if you violate your terms somehow, your parole officer immediately lugs you back to prison to continue your sentence. Probation has a layer of “protection” for the probationer where a judge ultimately decides at a violation hearing whether you violated your terms and if you should return to prison, stay out, be given more time on probation, add more conditions etc.. (In Massachusetts you can be sentenced to back to prison to your entire probation sentence, even if you have 1 day left!) . The PO lays out the facts to the judge and gives you (or your attorney) the same opportunity. Depending on the circumstances of the violation, the hearing can turn into a mini trial with witnesses and evidence presented which can continue on for weeks. However, make no mistake about it, the PO has the judges ear more than you do. Remember, in the courts eyes you are a convicted criminal who is fortunate as hell to be out on the street (never mind the publics' attitude). So if you're thinking of going up to refute the reputation of the PO or the validity of his violating you, you are already losing. If you are found to be in violation, the PO's recommendation to the judge as to your punishment carrys considerable weight.

Having said that, what if I tell you that your PO can be an asset and an ally in some ways to you that you haven't thought about or experienced and might one day save you from going back to prison?  Let me tell you my story about how my PO, by simply doing his job, helped prevent a false accusation from becoming a quick ticket back into prison for me.

It was late summer - a Thursday - heading to my weekly court ordered group treatment program when I stopped at the local donut shop in town. I went inside and placed my order and turned around to see 3 guys in their late teens standing near the door. I had no clue who they were but I was not shocked to think that someone in town would want to start some trouble with me.  As a sex offender, you know this is not an unusual mindset to have.  Unbeknown to me, my victim was among the three but I couldn't tell if it was him or not. I knew he still lived in town but I had no idea what he looked like after 7+ years (the last time I saw him was when he was about to turn 12). I exited the store and started my car. Apparently these guys were at the drive-thru and saw me go in. I was getting "mean mugged" by them now. After I backed my car out, they decided to follow me and only now was the thought creeping into my head that one of the guys was my victim. They aggressively tailed me, at time pulling along side of me for the next mile.


My next decision pretty much saved my ass.  Not really knowing what to do or who to call (I didn't feel it was a matter to call 911 for), I dialed my PO John and told him what was happening.  He suggested I drive to the police station to file a police report and have my account on record, proactively addressing the situation that happened . I did not believe that a) the cops would take my statement b) this would help.  With some hesitation and nervousness I made my way down to the police station and gave a statement to an officer on duty as to what happened.  I though whatever, that's done, I'm never going back to that donut shop again lest I run into these guys for a second time.

The next Monday I received a call from John. He says my victim Tom filed a complaint against me on Saturday, two days after our encounter, and explained by departmental policy he has to schedule a violation hearing. Apparently, in Tom's complaint he said I was acting aggressively towards him, gnashing my teeth and snarling at him (think Tolkien uruk hai), also threatening to kill him.  Even though I knew the truth of the matter, my heart sank and my stomach knotted because I knew how serious this was going to be, especially when the tangible doom of a violation hearing notice came in the mail. I didn't want to worry anyone in my family so I kept this to myself.


I explained the situation to my lawyer, who kind of gasped but explained the absolutely best thing I did was to call my PO and take his advice to file a police report.  Doing so completely changes how the accusation is viewed.  I was very relieved.  Just think how bad it would look if I never called my PO or filed a police report and John gets a call from the local cops saying my victim came in upset because I harassed and threatened to kill him.  First, it looks like I was trying to hide the incident from my PO.  Second, my PO would wonder why I would try and hide the incident.  Third, I would have been completely on the defensive with my PO and the court.  Fourth, a re-victimized victim is always more believable and sympathetic than a convicted sex offender.  Fifth, I possibly would have made my PO look bad in the eye of his superiors (any time there is an incident with probationers, rightly or wrongly the PO can get scrutinized).  His opinion of me tanks etc...  I could go on. but you get the idea: I would have been more or less screwed!


My attorney Mike hired a private investigator (PI) to get statements from witnesses and security camera footage.  Mike explained the PI was able to find 3 witnesses who just happened to be the girls behind the counter at the donut shop and that they would be able to corroborate my story. In my mind this was incredible since I really believed at some level they knew who I was, what my crime was, and would love to see me back in prison. Yes, I was just a little paranoid back then. Two of them even knew my victim Tom from school.


But the girls, all teenagers, wouldn't entertain that paranoia.  At the first hearing in the very courthouse I was sentenced some seven years earlier they one by one took their oaths, sat in the witness stand, and backed up my version of events explaining I did absolutely nothing I was accused of and had no idea what Tom was talking about.  I was relieved but still very anxious. My PI also went back to the donut shop owner to retrieve security camera footage -  which would have bolstered my claims - but the donut shop owner explained the footage was already written over by the time my PI requested it. We didn't buy that explanation (I believe the owner didn't want to get involved at the very least) but Mike said the witnesses were more important than the tape would have been.  And now that I think of it, by calling my PO, I turned John into a de facto witness for me, even though PO's remain strictly neutral at violation hearings.

That next court day happened in front of a new judge and courthouse. Needless to say I've been stressing for weeks.  I lost weight, didn't enjoy eating much, and at that time didn't have any real friends I could talk with or bring into court with me for support.   Having read the testimony from the police reports and witnesses as well as conferring with my PO, the judge was skeptical of my victims claims which was apparent in her questioning of him.  To my surprise, the judge pressed my victim on how his version of the incident could have happened at all, which caught my victim off guard.  The judge proceeded to remind Tom that lying under oath was a crime and he could be put in jail for doing so.  The courtroom turned very tense as the judge continued to press Tom on how my three witnesses could be so wrong, or conspiring, with their version of the events.   I could tell by how he was answering (he kept repeating the same thing with ever increasing hesitation in his voice) that Tom was scared as hell and didn't know what to do.   The judge, however, decided to give him an out by compelling Tom in open court to look at me and apologize on record.  To my surprise, I didn't want that after what I had been through; I just wanted this over.  Tom was warned if he were to do anything like that again the court will come down hard on him. I've never seen or had a problem with Tom since. 

Later on I chatted with my PO about the incident.  John said he always knew the charges were bullshit and made clear the accusations were not consistent with the person he had been supervising. It didn't make sense for someone who was in compliance and building his life to do something stupid like what I was accused of, he explained, and that the only reason this had to in front of the judge was the probation departments policy regarding the nature of the accusation and who was making it.  Judges rely on a PO's knowledge and experience with a probationer to help give them a sense of who is standing in front of them.  The judge deferred to John more than anyone else in that courtroom and he conveyed to her the type of person I had been on probation as well as his skepticism of Tom's claims.   


So from my experience, even though your PO may be disagreeable, neurotic, a hard ass, or worse, keep in mind they always have a running narrative of you every time you see them or your name comes across  their desk.  I'm not suggesting you suck up to your PO or tell him your life story, but it might be a good idea for you to rethink their role in your life and how they could become a valuable asset, especially if your under supervision for multiple years or life.    

Starting Probation

Chances are if you are reading this you are on some type of supervised release, more likely probation than parole.  Most if not all sentences given to sex offenders these days incorporate probation since most prosecutors and judges believe supervision after adjudication or release from incarceration is necessary to monitor behavior.  The time from when you start probation up to, say, 3 years is when most probationers violate.  You are much more likely to violate one of the terms of your probation than commit a new crime or sex offense.  The judge can add more time to your probation, order you to attend more programs, send you back to jail/prison, or anything she deems appropriate.  So it's best to avoid this pain altogether.  Winding up in front of a judge for a probation violation hearing can happen very easily.  You can be doing everything you are supposed to and that might not be enough (I'll save that story for a later post).  Here are some basics every newbie should consider:

Show up for your first appointment:  If you've just been released from prison you don't have much time (or maybe even the means) to meet your new PO at the courthouse.  Take it very seriously since this is their first impression of you.  And when I say "their" I am also talking about the the administrative staff, other PO's, assistant chiefs, and chief .  You may not know exactly who they are but they know who you are by what side of the counter you are standing and chances are you'll be switched to another PO or dealing with the chief at some point.  Be business-like, be courteous, and keep your mood and attitude in check.

Show up for every single appointment afterwards:  Whether it's a home or courthouse visit, don't keep your PO waiting though there will be many times when you will be waiting for them.  You'll stick out in their minds as someone who isn't taking probation seriously, is wasting their time, or needs to be dragged to a violation hearing if you can't keep your appointment.  If something comes up then call your PO or the office.

Copy everything: The probation department lives on documents. Everything is on some piece of paper.   If you are going to organize anything in your life, make sure you set aside a folder to hold documents pertaining to your probation.  Be sure to make copies of your probation contract and receipts of any payments you make to probation or the courts in general. Treatment providers typically fax your monthly progress reports but make sure your PO receives them. Income must also be documented so copy checks and pay stubs too.

If you are having a problem let them know: This sounds a little counterintuitive but in my experience the more your PO knows about you the better.  He has a running narrative of you in his head (and on paper of course) and information and context matters when he is making a decision about you.  Be succinct and keep it real because they've heard all of the bullshit stories before.  If you're truthful they're more apt to cut you some slack and maybe even help you out.