Personal Prison Story: Changing the Channel on Miss Pucci

Today I have no motivation to write a post about the do's/dont's/what to think abouts of being a sex offender and ex convict.  I'm sure readers could use something a little different, too.  As doom and gloom prison is, there are many moments of of humor and relative hilarity to be found.

In 1998, I spent the year in the Dallas County Jail as Massachusetts was transferring inmates to the DCJ due to prison overpopulation in MA and the financial incentives DCJ offered.  This being a county jail, the DCJ was not really designed as somewhere where an inmates was supposed to spend a year.  The jail was a hermetically sealed tower near downtown Dallas.  Slot windows might give you sunlight in your cell, if you have a window that isn't facing a brick wall 5 feet away like mine was.  The "pods" held 10 men, each (thankfully) with our own cell and closable metal/plexiglass door.  It was dingy, with flourescent lighting humming 18 hours a day and cigarette smoke staining the walls and everpresent in the recycled air.  Not an enjoyable or healthy place in many ways.

A single TV was the focal point of any pod, providing a connection to the outside world you could no longer physically experience.  It was up to guys in the pods to figure out what the schedule of the TV was, taking into account preferences from whites, blacks, latinos, and asians if you had them living with you.  Each person would also get their own TV time that was not to be screwed with unless agreed upon by the time slot owner.  Violating this arrangement is a huge sign of disrespect in prison. 

A predictable schedule throughout the week was the best predictor of peace in a pod, though big sporting events took precidence over everything else.  For example, it was very import to know every Saturday afternoon into the early evening was Latino heavy on the TV with Johnny Canales and Sabado Gigante.  This way, every week you knew what was coming and could smoke, drink hooch, and dance to the music or schedule that time around shutting your door and do something else entirely.  

Ronnie, AKA Miss Pucci (pronounced poochy) was a tall, black, thin, gazelle-like drag queen from Springfield, MA.  Rather than wear the dour and uncomfortable jumpers provided by the jail, she instead fashioned a "dress" out of a white bedsheet.  (by the way I use "she" and "her" since it is the norm when addressing or talking about queens like Ronnie). The single-strapped dress, with single breast exposed, was draped remarkably well with the hemline sitting an inch or two above her knees.  In this fashion, she would saunter about the pod, practice her runway walk, play cards, or cook, while other times she preferred the pink boxers provided.  The brilliance of the dress could be experienced whenever Pucci heard a classic drag song on the radio channels playing through the pods TV.  One such hilarious and skilled back-to-back performance reincarnated Gloria Gaynor herself, with Pucci performing the classic hit "I will Survive" followed by a spot-on crystal-shattering performance of Minnie Riperton's "Loving You".

>

Any of Pucci's performances were something you could easily see on RuPaul's Drag Race - the girl knew what she was doing.  Whether he admitted it or not, every inmate and guard, gay/straight/solid or otherwise who saw these and other Pucci performances was entertained and impressed.  Besides the juxtoposition of a drag queen singing in such bleak and stale environs, Pucci was able to make you forget where you were and all of your troubles, if only for a song or two.

But this queen was not to be crossed.  A few months before I left the DCJ, Pucci transferred out two pods down from mine to be with some guy who would keep her company and cared for i.e. buy her food and cigarettes.  From my vantage, one could easily see what was going on in the day room of Pucci's new pod.  

One day, I was flipping through the local rag and looked up to see Pucci standing by his pods' TV, in full regalia, arguing with a rather well built latino guy.  Emotive as queens are, I could easily tell she was pissed at this other inmate for changing the channel on the TV as she was pointing back and forth to the TV and him.  With Pucci standing between him and the TV, this guy-let's call him "Miguel"- decided to ignore Pucci's tirade and again change the channel on the TV.  Immediately, Pucci grabbed the Miguel by the jumper and repeatedly pounded on his face with quick and rather painful looking jabs. She completely took Miguel by surprise.  Miguel tried to counter by putting his arms up to deflect the punches, grabbing her dress, or spinning away from Pucci, but she anticipated his moves and continued her assult. The dress was flowing and rippling with Pucci's moves and countermoves, adding a sort of elegance and confusing nature to the fight. (looking back now, the dress gave her a big advantage since it was difficult to grasp in a fight since as it was more slippery than the canvas-like jumpers which is easy to grab and hold onto.)  Less than a minute later, the beating was over and the CO's came in the lug both Pucci and emasculated Miguel back to the hole, with a triumphant and sassy Pucci letting everyone in earshot know who won the fight and everyone laughing at what could only be described bizarre.

Still laughing and bewildered, one of the more likable sergeants came around and said, "I don't understand how a dude can let a guy in a dress beat him up like that.  That's fuckin' embarassing!"  Apparently, the DCJ doesn't receive many staunch queens like Miss Pucci.

And If You Were Wondering What I Meant By Perceived and Real Unfairness Mentioned In the Previous Post...

This case is an example of what guys in the sex offender group would consider unfair:
 http://sexoffenderissues.blogspot.com/2011/03/ca-salinas-police-youth-leader-scott.html
Not being required to register as part of a plea deal is something many in the public are unaware of and think all convicted of a serious sex crime are on the registry and are the ones they need to focus on.  I've seen this deal before in Massachusetts. A Weston resident had child rape charges and got off without having to register also.  But that's Weston, so I'm not surprised.  
At some level I suppose should be happy for this guy, that he doesn't have the anchor around his neck that is the registry...

Some Thoughts On Sex Offender Counseling/Treatment Group

Now you have settled into a counseling regime, typically a weekly session, here are some additional thoughts on participating in sex offender counseling to keep in mind over the upcoming months and years:

Announce your intention to complete all phases of treatment as efficiently as possible:
You don't want to be mired in a black hole of counseling year after year, no matter how much time you have on probation. Your ultimate goal in counseling, besides not reoffending of course, should be to graduate to a maintenance program. Ask the counselor how long one should expect to spend in the first phases of treatment before being eligible for a maintenance program.

Relationship and socializing with other group members:
The group I attended allowed members to socialize outside of the counseling session, while others groups are more strict in their policy and prohibit such contact. It's completely normal for guys to form strong bonds in treatment groups and want to socialize and help each other outside the group setting. I gave my phone number to other group members for support in the event they were not well, engaging in problematic activities, or needed a ride to group. One good example of how this can work was an instance I was asked by a fellow group members if I would help him disable his computer since he was cracking out looking at adult porn, knowing it would lead him to seeking out illicit websites and chat (this guy was in maintenance and was not in violation of any condition or restriction). That's not necessarily something you ask your neighbor to do or want to explain why! Whether you engage other offenders outside the group or not, it is something of a personal choice. You have to be certain can remain objective and still, for instance, call this person out in group the same way you would had you not been hanging outside the group.

Ex-cons versus those who didn't do time: 
There is an inexorable bond and with guys who've done time behind bars that can sometimes border on resentment toward others in the group who weren't sentenced to incarceration but just probation or those who are convicted but don't have to register as a sex offender.  Predictably, a offender who had money to spend on a good lawyer to get a more desirable outcome with sentencing or had connections to achieve the same aren't celebrated in group.  

In fact, there's a convoluted mixture of feelings to deal with. Ex-cons (me included) recognize within each other the pain and suffering we had to go through inside prison. Now being out, we may overtly reminisce and half-heartedly joke about the trauma and madness of prison. Think of it - and I am not equating here - like veteran soldiers looking back at their recent war experience. Even if one soldier wasn't laying next to another in a ditch fighting for their lives, they would have an implicit understanding and camaraderie that civilians could never have. Same goes with ex-cons: You don't understand. You had it easy. It was 'Nam, you weren't there, man! You get the idea.  You'll have to excuse the ex-cons in the group if we go off on a tangent involving prison, get pissed and resentful, and leave others out of the conversation.  We've been to our own hell and back and survived to varying degrees. It's not a feeling of "we are better than you", more a mixture of feelings of unfairness, pride, and camaraderie that is undeniable. If you were never incarcerated, don't take this personally in any way. Besides, having avoided prison is something to be very grateful for! Trust me, being an ex-con is not a club you would have wanted to be a part of and all of us ex-cons would much rather have stayed on the outside.

However, even among ex-cons in group therapy, there's something of a hierarchy of who did how much time, at what facilities, federal/state/county bid, etc...typically with the most "respect" going to the guy who had the hardest/most time. Kind of crazy, but prison does follow you to the outside to some extent.

Child/Adult Offenders:
Speaking of hierarchy, there may also be an unspoken hierarchical structure to the group you join that will never be spoken about very much. This is not really obvious and is more of a perception carried by and colored with society's norms and values. A good counselor will make sure everyone in the group, regardless of their crime and/or age of victim(s), is equal to one another and no one tries to show moral authority over another.

It is human nature to make yourself as least heinous as possible, especially among other offenders. In prison, the guys who were in on statutory rape got a different reception than those in on child rape (what, was your victim twelveteen?!). This can extend into the treatment group. Nobody wants to feel like "the worst of the worst". It's a coping mechanism many offenders adopt to varying degrees: at least my victim was and adult; at least my victim was in his mid-teens, reached puberty, and was willing and I didn't force him; at least my victim was someone I knew and cared about and not a snatch-and-grab; at least I didn't penetrate him like he did; at least she wasn't my own daughter; at least he wasn't a toddler; at least I only looked at kiddie porn and didn't ever touch a child etc...

Truthfully, we all engage in this minimizing and coping at some level. Your ego really doesn't want to be the biggest pervert in the room. It's a protective mechanism that has its function. Just keep in mind this ranking of other group members may rear its head in some comments in various ways because, and let's be frank, American society views sex with a 15 year-old girl much differently than sex with an 11 year-old boy. Sex with a 15 year-old female is more "acceptable" than with a 11 year old male and just because someone is a sex offender doesn't mean he is not homophobic.

So no matter your conviction, don't feel like you can walk in and feel like the top dog or the biggest freak in the room. 

The Relapse Prevention Plan: Its Role In Sex Offender Counseling and Sex Offender Registry Board Petitions

Relapse Prevention Plan (RPP): If you are unfamiliar with this tool, a summary of the elements of a RPP is can be found here:
http://www.sexoffenderresource.com/relapse-prevention-plan/

Every sex offender therapy counselor/group is different in its approach.  Some are very structured and have workbooks and homework while others rely more on the organic process of group therapy, working things out verbally.  No matter the approach, the goal is the same: getting you to understand why you did what you did and help you to prevent reoffending.  To this end, the single most important document you will work on and want to leave counseling with is the relapse prevention plan.

A RPP has two very important functions: first, the RPP serves as a cognitive guide to help you, the counselor, and the group gain a better understanding of your psychology, your offense, the circumstances surrounding your offense, and how to recognize patterns and warning signs to head off maladaptive thoughts and behaviors which can lead to reoffending.  Initially, you will work intensively on the RPP, a document you are never completely done with.  I suggest really listening to others when they speak and convey their own stories and struggles.  There are undercurrents and themes many offenders share that you will recognize within yourself and can easily incorporate into your RPP.  Being an active participant and paying attention will help you become a more sophisticated and reflective group member, thereby helping to create a more productive, safe, and successful group and, ultimately, your RPP will benefit from being as complete and insightful as possible.

The second important function of the RPP is it's role in your sex offender classification/reclassification.  At some point, whether you are designated as a Level 1, Level 2, Or Level 3, you will want to lower you risk level or even petition to be released from the duty to register as a sex offender.  As the Massachusetts Sex Offender Registry Board puts it when considering factors for reclassification:

Factor 11: Currently in Sex Offender-Specific Treatment

...(c)...Offenders who actively participate in treatment voluntarily...and those who provide a full written copy of their relapse prevention plan, approved by their treatment provider, may receive additional consideration relative to their level of risk to reoffend and/or the degree of dangerousness they pose to public safety.

Here is the link to view the .PDF document: Motion for Reclassification is 1.37C (page 4.23) and the quoted text for Factor 11 is 1.40 (page 4.20)

This "additional consideration" is a good thing.  As I mentioned in this blog before, the board need information with which to make a decision. It likes to get as much information as possible.  You can have great letters from family, friends, and employers, supporting and attesting to the life you are now living, which the board does want.  However, they are not trained experts the board looks toward for expert opinion and testimony regarding your "dangerousness". Information from your counselor, including the RPP, gives the board much needed professional and personal insight into your treatment and progress since offending.  Leaving out a detailed RPP document is a glaring omission, one you want to avoid. Just think: if you were on the board looking at a RPP-less petition, you would probably err on the side of caution and not lower his risk level since you want to know that the petitioner thoroughly understand his offense and offending cycle and isn't continuing to attribute his offense to alcohol and drugs, for example. Besides, you don't want to give any member of the board one more reason to deny your petition.  At this writing, The Commonwealth only allows you to petition for relcassification every 3 years, so you want to be complete and do it right the first time around.

How to Choose a Sex Offender Counselor/Treatment Provider

This is one of the more important decisions you will have to make when starting sex offender counseling.  As far as I know, no matter where you are in the United States, you are able to choose your own counselor.  Of course, it's not that simple.  Let's take things step by step and walk through some considerations.

So you just met your PO who says you need to attend sex offender counseling within 7 days or you'll be in violation.  Probation may have a list of approved providers - ask for it.  Ask your PO if he has a recommendation.  At my probation office in Middlesex County, they preferred providers who are accredited through MCSOM (Massachusetts Coalition for Sex Offender Management) or MASOC (Massachusetts Adolescent Sex Offender Coalition), the latter focusing on juvenile offenders.  In the end, make certain your PO approves your choice.  For most, you'll be looking to get into a group rather than one-on-one.  It's cheaper and in my opinion the better option when starting counseling since you are with others in the same boat and the dynamic is in many ways invaluable and can't be replicated in individual counseling.  Individual counseling with the right provider can be just as productive and you will be able to spend more time on your specific issues but the majority of offenders attend group counseling (more on individual vs. group counseling in another post).

Now you have some names and numbers, start calling.  I'd begin with the ones your PO recommends while also taking into consideration their location and your access to reliable transportation.  Some of the questions you should ask each provider is:

• What is your approach to counseling (cognitive behavioral, psychoanalytic, humanistic, combination, etc...)
• How would you describe the counselors role with the group (do they facilitate the group or conduct it with a lot of oversight)
• How would you describe the current group of participants (ex-cons, probationers, voluntary, participants age range and types of offenses, etc...)
• What exactly do you report to probation?  Do you allow probation officers/law enforcement to sit in on sessions?
• What is the policy toward new group members?  For instance, do I have to tell my story the first day or do I have a few weeks before I have to go in depth with my story? 
• Can I sit in one night and see if the group is the right one for me? (your trying out a group should satisfy probation's requirement for attending sex offender counseling...as always check with your PO)
• Can I have a copy of your waiver
• How much per session?

You should ask other questions pertinent to your situation such as whether they accept insurance, the  absentee policy,

If possible, and I highly recommend this, is to sit in on a session.  Try out a few groups to compare and contrast.  You'll probably be nervous and scared walking in and sitting with a bunch of strangers talking about sex offending or their current woes, but you'll get used to it.

The counselor sets the tone for the group so try to be sure he isn't too soft (things can spiral out of control if they don't have control-I've seen it happen) or unnecessarily a bully (unreasonably threatening people to call their PO).  With some counselors, they know and need to turn the screws and pressure a sex offender on parole/probation from time to time to get progress or a breakthrough but you want to avoid ones who  abuse that power.  Ideally, the counselor is experienced and knows when to be relaxed and when to really push an individual or the group to get progress.

Also, pay attention to what is going on between participants and how people relate to one another.  Is the group supportive? Adversarial? Do group members allow a lot of denial to go unaddressed?  Are participants there to really change some things or are grudgingly there just to comply with probation?  To be realistic, you can expect a little bit of all of that in many members and groups.  However, you don't want any one characteristic to dominate.

After you've made your choice, chat it up with others in the group to get a sense of how they feel about the group and the counselor.  You'll know soon enough if that situation is right for you.  If not, don't hesitate to try out another provider though its better to decide this at an early stage to avoid starting from scratch all over again with another group.

Forget the Pity Party: This Is What Is Possible

Just a quick post to link you to MonsterMart, a blog about a Level 3 registered sex offender living in Washington State.  I don't really enjoy using the words "inspiring" or "hopeful" very much at all, but what he was able to accomplish simply kicks ass.

Less Than 6 Months of Probation Left: Some Things You Should Be Doing

As I enter the last months of my 10 years on probation, I thought it important to mention some of the things you should do to ensure a smooth, trouble free transition away from any type of supervision. A little bit of planning and proactivity can save you from trouble and receiving extra time on probation.

Recently, I spoke with an attorney in Boston who said an all too common reason a probationer is not released from probation is because he hasn't paid money owed.  This debt may include probation supervision fees, court fees, DNA fees, vicitim restitution, paying for victim counseling, etc...  You name it.  Whatever probation believe you owe, you owe.  Come your release day, if you owe money you won't be set free from probation until it's all paid off.  Even if you think you aren't in arrears, ask the probation office to do an audit on your account around 6 months before release to give you time to pay up, perform community service in lieu of cash payments, or dispute charges if need be.

Another suggestion is to scour your probation contract for what conditions you are required to complete or satisfy.  Besides paying many fees, you could be required to "complete" sex offender therapy, Alcoholics Anonymous, Anger Management, and other programs.  Be sure to know what "completing" means to the probation department.  Probation (and the courts) idea of of having completed a program may not be the same as what the particular program considers to be "completed" or "graduated".  In fact, these days here in Middlesex County a sex offender on probation who graduated from all phases of treatment cannot simply stop going to treatment.  One has to be in "maintenance" treatment while on probation.  Furthermore, what maintenance treatment is varies between providers.  Unfortunately, not much is standardized in the treatment provider community.  It wouldn't hurt to go over your probation contract with your probation officer so you are both on the same page.

And if you think you can and/or should stop attending treatment after you are released from probation, you might want to reconsider.  For example, if at any point in the future you plan on appealing your dangerousness level to the Sex Offender Registry Board (SORB), it behooves you to continue maintenance treatment after release from any supervision. Significant gaps of time where your well being and behavior cannot be accounted for could work against you since the SORB has no recent information or testimonials from treatment providers to take into account.  At the same time, seeing a therapist several times a year might be good insurance and good for you in the event you encounter problems or if you know you function and live better under a therapists supervision.

YMCAs begin to screen for sex offenders

This is an issue that came up in the beginning of January I wanted to comment on.
Here's the article:  YMCAs begin to screen for sex offenders
I am not a YMCA member, but this banning business is frustrating and crazy, in my opinion.

So the YMCA implemented this policy after a girls basketball coach, who was not a convicted sex offender when he was hired or when coaching, plead guilty to various sex offenses with young girls. I suppose the Y feels they have to do something showing they are "protecting" members, especially since it's less of a traditional gym and more of a mixed adult/kids place, but chalk this up as another reactive policy to sex offenders.

The Y is instituting a policy that doesn't directly address how they could have let a coach with a clean record come in and coach young girls he ended up offending against.  If the Y needs to find sex offenders among their members and staff, the only way to be sure is to have staff (this offender could be considered staff) and members undergo a thorough evaluation including personality testing, penile plethysmography, the female equivalent to a penile plethysmograph, and attentional evaluation to deviant stimuli.  Just ranting but what the hell...

A Little More About Prison Classification and Treatment

As I mentioned, do your research and gather enough information as you can about where you might want to go.  Granted, the classification board may already have other ideas but you should at least make a case for yourself.  Being realistic (i.e. not requesting to go straight to a minimum security facility if you have to serve 5 years) and being serious about treatment, getting your life back together/turned around, etc... all helps.

What I wanted to talk about further was the conundrum facing inmates who do not want to engage in treatment.  For some, they refuse to admit their offenses.  For others, they don't want to put themselves out there as a sex offender or participate in any type of treatment, maybe because he has a long sentence and wants to do most of it not labeled as a sex offender.  However, inmates who plan on appealing their convictions can be advised by their attorneys to not engage in treatment for any sort of admission could jeopardize the appeal.  Since treatment requires you admitting to the actions behind your conviction, there lies the rub.

By not participating in treatment, you could be seen as being in denial and more dangerous.  You could be sanctioned in various ways: not being allowed to work, unable to transfer to a better or lower security facility, being transferred to a "worse" facility, or even involuntarily civilly committed as a sexually dangerous person.  In my case and in part to get inmates to participate in sex offender treatment, state inmates were sent to Texas and told if we didn't engage in and complete Phase 1 of treatment offered at the county jail, we would not be considered eligible to return to Massachusetts.  Prison, much of it about incentives for certain behavior,  just works that way.

What I am trying to say is the prison system will essentially compel and bully you to comply. Appealing your conviction makes no difference to the people in charge and it won't immunize you from sanctions you may receive.  If you believe it's worth it and you have the promise of a great appeal then the hardship you will encounter may be worth it.  Whether you choose to engage in treatment or not, it's a calculated risk where at some point you may have to cut your losses and consider the long term consequences.

Busted

No, your life isn't over though some of you might feel like doing something drastic.  Don't.  Maybe you did it; maybe you didn't; maybe you've done more.  Whatever it is you've been accused of doing, this is a scary, confusing, emotional time to say the least.  Depending on many factors-what you have been accused of doing, family situation, where you live, your work, your friends, you involvement in the community- all of this factors into how things may go for you after you've been arrested or brought in front of a judge.

If you are fortunate, you'll be released on bail (possibly with a GPS monitor) or be under house arrest (A word about house arrest: it's much better than being in jail, but it's very stressful, especially if you live with loved ones.  I thought it would be more enjoyable than it was, but I couldn't eat very much and was somewhat miserable stuck mostly in my room.  Every time I looked at my family I felt like crap; my situation coloring almost every waking moment with the knowledge no matter what I was going to go to prison.).  Jail is, of course, the worst.  I was 20 when I spent 7 days in jail before being granted house arrest.  Oddly, I never felt more hungry before and being 5'11'' and 145 from the suburbs I didn't exactly feel safe.  And this is how naive I was: someone said there was a swimming pool on the roof of the jail we were able to use at night and I believed him!  Yikes...  I learned quickly after that.  Anyway, basic things such as communicating with your attorney and family from jail is cumbersome, but at least you are able to receive your jail time as time served off your sentence if you are given more.

Speaking of attorneys: do your best to find an attorney experienced with defending sex offenders and prepare to plunk down some good money for him.  You don't need to get the most expensive one, but don't go cheap when it comes to this attorney-it makes a big difference.  I had a court appointed attorney who didn't do as thorough a job as he should have.

Lastly, and briefly since I will write about this more in the future, you should start planning for your time in prison or on probation while you are (hopefully) still out and regardless of what you believe the outcome of your case to be.  The closest representation I've seen of how prison can be is the TV program "LockUp" on MSNBC.  It is TV and people have a camera on them so keep that in mind.  However, the show can give you a good idea of the milieu and stresses of prison, how it operates, and the tough choices you may have to make on a daily basis.

Additionally, you should understand how you will be classified and what facilities have sex offender treatment in your state and run it by your attorney.  It may make a difference if/when you go in front of the classification board asking for a certain facilities and backing up your request with rationale toward rehabilitation which probably includes treatment, education, work, and family considerations.  But have a plan on what you should accomplish before you are up for parole or released.  Your progress, or lack thereof, informs probation and the sex offender registry board on how "dangerous" you may be and if you are taking your offense and treatment seriously.

With probation, you need to understand all of the terms and conditions and stick to them and, as I mentioned before in the blog, do your job.  Be sure to understand what you are required to achieve treatment-wise and evaluate the program you enter to make sure you are able to satisfy probation's requirements by "completing" treatment at some level so you can successfully get off probation and show the sex offender registry board your progress if you choose to try and get reclassified to a lower risk level.